Yes it's handover today, cus it's already past 00.00! Kinda sad just now while writing the cards to the juniors.. CO reminds me of so many things.. Sigh. I joined Guzheng ensemble in P1 in OEPS after seeing those girls performed. After transferring to YNPS, I joined GZ again. It's said that 2 best players would be asked to go for SYF with Chinese Orchestra, which did not have Guzheng in it. My seniors were selected, of course. So this became one of the motivation to practise. At the end of P5 year, me and my other friend were asked to join CO. That was the first time I played an instrument with other instruments. I learnt to look at the conductor for signs. I learnt to listen for other accompaniment.. In an ensemble, you look at either the lead or the person beside you if you're lost. It's easier to listen as the person beside you is playing the same thing as you. Somehow I was trying hard to count the bars and beat that time in the orcjestra... Umm.. and there's this guy who blows the dizi.. He was playing one part of the song, which is a GZ-dizi duet. Hehehe.. So there was this time, I was bored and people were having a break. Most of the people were outside and I guessed only 10 people were in the room.. I was bored right.. So I started playing the duet part. [It's obviously duet but the teachers said it's a solo to emphasise our importance so we would work hard..] Yea then I heard dizi blowing the exact same melody!! OMG I was shocked so I looked up, and saw the guy. He knew how to play my part OMG I was thinking that he's damn smart! Yes. He is! He used one finger to run from the lowest note of Guzheng to the highest for ONCE and he knew that there is no 'fa' and 'ti 'in the D scale of Guzheng. He's amazing. I swore I loved CO more than GZ then, even though the 'solo' was just the introduction of the song.. The parts behind didn't really need us. Yes, I loved CO to the extend that I quited my tuition in March of PSLE year and went for pracs until 7pm almost every Mon, Wed, Fri and sometimes Thur too. I was sort of... CRAZY over CO. I wanted to be part of the big family, so heart-warming and feel a sense of belonging.. I couldn't recover from the after-SYF-syndrome the day after CO SYF. I recorded a lot of the pracs because I felt that they were part of the important memories.... [22/04/2012] Right now it's 22 Apr and the chem slides are really taking up a lot of time.. Making it presentable and putting in information require TIME. Yea, I stopped at the 40th slide, gonna put in the infos about the carbon cycle, then that's job done. Hehe. Sometimes... I just find it damn tsk how to say.. Some people they're just 太自以为是. Really eh! Can you suckers STOP assuming yourselves are those 至高无上的人? Some people think they're damn clever, and whenever they get bad results they say they never put in effort, or they purposely never study. You think I believe? You just wanna show that you're smart, just that you didn't work hard enough. There is this type of people who think they know EVERYTHING and keep showing off their limited knowledge, and think they're full of wisdom. Oh my! *facepalm* just wanna say: Your arrogance is pissing me off. K night.

Ummm... Umm... Whenever I feel nervous, I don't feel cold, I feel warm like I've got fever. Yeaaa, I should stop worrying. Stop worrying... stop worrying.

Type in Chinese! So long since I last typed in Chinese..

哎...

或许是我太不够努力。每天回到家就先睡觉，到晚上8点9点才开始读书。。把下午的时间都浪费掉了。

考试前，其实我对Physics 和 Emath 是很有信心的，结果成绩出来时让人看了都想哭。有的时候真的不明白为什么要读书，难道我的人生就只围绕着学习和课本吗?

从去年开始，我渐渐地感受到同班同学可怕的眼光。直到今年，我真的真的真的受不了了。才四月而已，我就已经压力到连泪水都控制不住。以前多么坚强的人， 现在总是为了小小的事闹别扭，发脾气。在学校已经算ok的了，在家里我真的尽量不说话。有的时候压力到肚子都不会饿，妈妈叫我吃饭时我还会骂她浪费我的时间。对不起。。。我真的很累了。

去年吧，我还愿意乐观地面对失败。不及格就下次努力吧! 现在突然觉得摔倒了，就站不起来了。好想放弃哦，能不能让我有一天离开这里，再也不用面对这些事，这些人。

我恨那些人的目光，那些狠狠把我推倒的目光。恨那些曾经接受过我的帮助的人，现在却因为我的烂成绩而丢下我的人。你们等着瞧吧，继续讨厌我吧，我没关系的。

只剩下几个月了，再过几个月就不用再看到我了，开心吗?

It's only April and I've cried two times in class.. First time its because of someone, second time for results. I seldom cry over results, cuz I did that a lot of times at the beginning of last year and now I find it meaningless. A 'fail' isn't that surprising and unexpected anymore. My heart already used to seeing THOSE kind of scores. Yes, it's alright.

It's the freaking type of look those people are giving. Lol I am so stupid, I take them very seriously. I might say 'I don't care' but HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE?! I thought WBD is that kind of 'biased-towards-smart-kids' person, but isn't our FT the same? Moreover, with my skirt length, fringe length and sock length, SHE SURE FINDS ME an eyesore.

Plus my all Cs report card, and my quietness in class.. Lol, I'm damn irritating right?

Speaking of quietness.. I wasn't like this in sec 2. I got punished for talking too much in class and go to toilet without permission, and I actually have the photos of those 100 lines of 'I shall not talk so much in class'.. Why? Why did I change? It's time to reflect, really..

Wait, is it because of BD? She told my mum during last year's PTC in March, that I was too quiet. After I went home, I told myself to be more quiet in her class, because the more she finds me like this, the more I wanna be like this. In Chinese: 你不喜欢? 我就偏偏这样.

Yes. That's just part of it.

Since the beginning of this year, I started to feel those 'looks' from people. Usually I just ignore, but this year I am taking them more seriously. STUPID MAN! = = I just feel that there are a few idiots who started to avoid me and refrain from having communication with me, because being with me will simple bring them down to MY level. Since my results are like shit, I keep asking people how to do, which make them think that I'm totally STUPID. Simple things also don't know how to do MEH? (add this in to sound like them)

I felt one tiny drop of tear after getting back Emath but I kept twlling myself 'NO DON'T! DON'T CRY IT'S EMBARRASSING.' Then HooYoo asked me if I got 3a correct, I got irritated and threw my pencil on the table, telling her 'NO LA I GOT IT WRONG' in a super annoyed tone. She was shocked for a moment, then she left me alone.

I felt damn damn damn damn sorry that time. It's my own problem, yet I 发脾气 at her. So I just flipped my paper while putting my head on the table..

She thought I cried so she patted my back. THEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING!! OMG funny right.. When the bell rang, I stopped crying. Then Dumbgold turned around and told me "毛，振作!" and the tears came again..): I was too touched that they were there, when I was really gonna die. And not forgetting SM, who was with me during mental break.. Oh yes, and one person's 性感 voice that was behind me during mental break. I swore I heard him sigh and he did not talk about his XXXX but results that day. Thank you friends! ):

Ok, must go do filing now. Bye! Prelim 2, 我要加油!