Brain is in a mess.. Went out yesterday and today, to Orchard and Bugis. Something happened and urgh I don't know.. I don't know what is it like if that is real you know. I don't wanna live in a family like that.. No! No! It will never happen! I wish that bitch knows that she has a husband and keep her bitchy actions to herself. I'm not making everything sound obvious, right? I'm very very scared, if one day this really happen, and I will have to cry every time I think of this and it will make a gigantic change in my life that may drive me insane. I'm not exaggerating.. O level year ok, please please don't do this. Had a nightmare last night and it feels real. I wanna go to China right now, maybe alone. I just want some quiet time and free from all these troubles.. It's enough! I'm praying really hard that the bitch is not really doing it. Or else... Both me and my brother won't let her off. I'm not sure what we will do, if we are really angry. To you both. I'm really scared to see you two fight. I would always cry and don't know what to do... Please please stop quarrelling. Give me some peace to study... I'm really running out of time...)':

Whenever I'm angry I can't hide it. I just keep crying but the anger won't go off. To the damn fking bitch: You fking bitch stay away from my family I tell you. So old still dye your damn fking hair BLONDE. Look at your fking face in the mirror. Just look! Old bitch wear hot pink dress with shiny silver belt? Use your damn eyeballs to look! If you fking bitch ever become the reason that something BAD happens to my family, you pay for it. I swear I will kill you bitch. Wah bitch isn't the word to describe you this kind of woman. In Chinese you're just 下贱. I'm still tolerating. I will tolerate it, for now. If you fking woman who is so bitchy, continues to be bitchy, you watch out. I will go look for you, scream at your face, and slap you. Don't say I'm scared, I'm just waiting for a chance.

The apologetic feeling is always coming back.. I wanted to say 'sorry' but there's no chance and I'm such a loser who doesn't dare to apologise when I have the courage to hurt them. Okay, this post is dedicated to you all. First one.. ok I know I'm not a good friend, I'd hurt you a lot a lot, I could tell from your FB status. Your posts sounded really sad, yea I saw 'em.. I wanted to say sorry but I shouldn't, I did regret a bit. Know what, nope you surely won't know. My best friend, I was sure, she fell in love with you. We had several talks over the phone just because she couldn't decide whether she really liked you. I knew, I knew she definitely liked you, just she hadn't feel it. I was afraid that ME, yea I was such a bitch, I would like you too. So I stopped all communication with you since that day. I became super super unfriendly and even used rude words on you. Sigh.. You wouldn't know that I felt bad and uncomfortable during that period of time. I felt weird and weird arghh how to say.. Except that I didn't cry. You're a great friend. You came to play basketball with my brother, when you were really busy. You were the first guy except my own family members to care about my lunch and dinner. ): Remember my one year free supply of Takopachi? I'm sorry.. Second one. I was thinking that what I did to you was right all along. I was 'taking revenge' so I became a back stabber. I made your friendship with him worsened that you both got nothing to say since then. You must have hated me, maybe you still hate me now. Hmm. You were also a great friend. You came to look for me and Wenqi at the dentist, came out to eat with me and DumbGold, listened to me crap and complain about someone, lectured me all the way home.. Hai... I'm sorry. Last one. This person always make me cry when I think about my days with her. I always think about how my life will be different if we are like last time. I miss the time we went out to eat and crap. We would talk about guys, food, idols and etc. We went shopping, buying stuff together like those 3 for $5. No matter how expensive the food was, you never hesitate to eat with me, then bankrupted for the next few days. Things have changed. I wanted to tell you I'm sorry.. I still still still don't know what's the real reason that caused us to be in this state. I wanted to ask you but, as I said, I don't dare. Yes I'm such a coward. Coward! I always don't apologise to people I've hurt. I suck! Okay I'm feeling sad again. Sigh. *wipe tears wipe tears* I love all of you ok! You all ARE my great friends.. 对不起.