Currently watching Nung's recommendation - Buzzer Beat. Lead actor is YAMASHITA! ^^ Hmm. :D

I can't celebrate CNY this year. Neither can I wear bright-coloured clothes, both at home and outside. Sigh. Almost all my tops are bright-coloured and that's seriously a big problem. I can't go people's house to 拜年 too. So Mum was thinking to increase the Angbao money she and Dad is giving us this year. : )

Dad came back today. :D He didn't spend a lot of time at home with us but went to the restaurant immediately after his lunch. : ( He said today is 除夕, a lot people are coming to eat there. Mum went to help too. : ( My bro and I will have to wait for them to come back to have our reunion dinner.

Sigh.

A reunion dinner without Grandpa changes everything. Usually my parents will try to come home as early as possible to eat with us everyday because they mainly want to 尽孝道 to my grandpa. However, we don't have dinner together as often now, compared to last time, when my grandpa was still around.

Sigh.

My mum kept mentioning Grandpa in front of me which everytime make me want to cry. So I would ask her stop talking about him. She said I am so 没良心. I am trying hard not to think about it but she just keep bringing the topic up. I also want to accept the truth, but I can't! So why not let me just assume that the incident didn't happen? I don't want to accept the truth.

Don't be emo! CNY's tomorrow. I can't wear my new top, which is pink. : ( Luckily I bought a brown dress, although I seldom choose this kind of dark colour. Mum said she will just take us out for a walk, to 透透气 and that's all. No celebration. We just want to keep it 低调.

Okay that's about all I shall go bathe now. :D Oyasimi.

I still can't get over my grandpa thing...*Sigh* I don't know how to accept it. Although I had prepared that this is going to happen, I still can't accept it when it really happened. Whenever I think about him, I cry. I feel that I really did not do enough for him.

To grandpa:

I don't know how to start. I keep telling myself not to cry but tears are just uncontrollable. You told me that you wanted to see me to get in a good university and lead a good life. You said you are going to live long till you're a hundred. Why didn't you keep your promise? Why did you give up? Do you really bear to leave us?...

I tried not to show the sadness in school but I broke down after I reached home. Sigh, I really wish I could go back and at least take a look at him before he leaves me forever. It might be the guilt that will I will carry with me forever.

Okay.

Took the same bus home with Jia Jin today. (Ga is blushing) His voice broke. o.O It sounded so low. I realised something. HIS EYELASHES ARE REALLY LONG!!! Oh I want to exchange eyelashes with Neel. T.T

P.S. This was the shirt that the guys wore for the CO concert. And they were thinking to wear this for the CNY performance. Yup. That was Nerd Nerd in the photo.

Okay. Today's rehearsal. 节奏一样乱套, as usual. : ( Wenqi's conductie found out who are the ones who led the whole Pipa section into chaos. Hmm... There's this teacher-in-charge who commented on CO's performance, saying that we went off beat. O.o We've improved a lot today! She even cancelled the funniest part that the Wushu people displayed, the part which 2 guys were doing the I don't know what's that called. One of them is Cheesehead that's all I know.

I found out that Cheesehead is better than Nerdi, much better. He bothers to SMILE while that Nerdi just act COOL which is NOT COOL at all. The more he acts, the uglier he looks. It's better to be yourself than to act. Why make life so difficult?

P.S. Mr Yeow was angry with the boys in my class today. He was really serious but they thought he was still joking around with them. Hmm, when will they grow up?