The apologetic feeling is always coming back.. I wanted to say 'sorry' but there's no chance and I'm such a loser who doesn't dare to apologise when I have the courage to hurt them. Okay, this post is dedicated to you all. First one.. ok I know I'm not a good friend, I'd hurt you a lot a lot, I could tell from your FB status. Your posts sounded really sad, yea I saw 'em.. I wanted to say sorry but I shouldn't, I did regret a bit. Know what, nope you surely won't know. My best friend, I was sure, she fell in love with you. We had several talks over the phone just because she couldn't decide whether she really liked you. I knew, I knew she definitely liked you, just she hadn't feel it. I was afraid that ME, yea I was such a bitch, I would like you too. So I stopped all communication with you since that day. I became super super unfriendly and even used rude words on you. Sigh.. You wouldn't know that I felt bad and uncomfortable during that period of time. I felt weird and weird arghh how to say.. Except that I didn't cry. You're a great friend. You came to play basketball with my brother, when you were really busy. You were the first guy except my own family members to care about my lunch and dinner. ): Remember my one year free supply of Takopachi? I'm sorry.. Second one. I was thinking that what I did to you was right all along. I was 'taking revenge' so I became a back stabber. I made your friendship with him worsened that you both got nothing to say since then. You must have hated me, maybe you still hate me now. Hmm. You were also a great friend. You came to look for me and Wenqi at the dentist, came out to eat with me and DumbGold, listened to me crap and complain about someone, lectured me all the way home.. Hai... I'm sorry. Last one. This person always make me cry when I think about my days with her. I always think about how my life will be different if we are like last time. I miss the time we went out to eat and crap. We would talk about guys, food, idols and etc. We went shopping, buying stuff together like those 3 for $5. No matter how expensive the food was, you never hesitate to eat with me, then bankrupted for the next few days. Things have changed. I wanted to tell you I'm sorry.. I still still still don't know what's the real reason that caused us to be in this state. I wanted to ask you but, as I said, I don't dare. Yes I'm such a coward. Coward! I always don't apologise to people I've hurt. I suck! Okay I'm feeling sad again. Sigh. *wipe tears wipe tears* I love all of you ok! You all ARE my great friends.. 对不起.

Yes it's handover today, cus it's already past 00.00! Kinda sad just now while writing the cards to the juniors.. CO reminds me of so many things.. Sigh. I joined Guzheng ensemble in P1 in OEPS after seeing those girls performed. After transferring to YNPS, I joined GZ again. It's said that 2 best players would be asked to go for SYF with Chinese Orchestra, which did not have Guzheng in it. My seniors were selected, of course. So this became one of the motivation to practise. At the end of P5 year, me and my other friend were asked to join CO. That was the first time I played an instrument with other instruments. I learnt to look at the conductor for signs. I learnt to listen for other accompaniment.. In an ensemble, you look at either the lead or the person beside you if you're lost. It's easier to listen as the person beside you is playing the same thing as you. Somehow I was trying hard to count the bars and beat that time in the orcjestra... Umm.. and there's this guy who blows the dizi.. He was playing one part of the song, which is a GZ-dizi duet. Hehehe.. So there was this time, I was bored and people were having a break. Most of the people were outside and I guessed only 10 people were in the room.. I was bored right.. So I started playing the duet part. [It's obviously duet but the teachers said it's a solo to emphasise our importance so we would work hard..] Yea then I heard dizi blowing the exact same melody!! OMG I was shocked so I looked up, and saw the guy. He knew how to play my part OMG I was thinking that he's damn smart! Yes. He is! He used one finger to run from the lowest note of Guzheng to the highest for ONCE and he knew that there is no 'fa' and 'ti 'in the D scale of Guzheng. He's amazing. I swore I loved CO more than GZ then, even though the 'solo' was just the introduction of the song.. The parts behind didn't really need us. Yes, I loved CO to the extend that I quited my tuition in March of PSLE year and went for pracs until 7pm almost every Mon, Wed, Fri and sometimes Thur too. I was sort of... CRAZY over CO. I wanted to be part of the big family, so heart-warming and feel a sense of belonging.. I couldn't recover from the after-SYF-syndrome the day after CO SYF. I recorded a lot of the pracs because I felt that they were part of the important memories.... [22/04/2012] Right now it's 22 Apr and the chem slides are really taking up a lot of time.. Making it presentable and putting in information require TIME. Yea, I stopped at the 40th slide, gonna put in the infos about the carbon cycle, then that's job done. Hehe. Sometimes... I just find it damn tsk how to say.. Some people they're just 太自以为是. Really eh! Can you suckers STOP assuming yourselves are those 至高无上的人? Some people think they're damn clever, and whenever they get bad results they say they never put in effort, or they purposely never study. You think I believe? You just wanna show that you're smart, just that you didn't work hard enough. There is this type of people who think they know EVERYTHING and keep showing off their limited knowledge, and think they're full of wisdom. Oh my! *facepalm* just wanna say: Your arrogance is pissing me off. K night.